Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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