He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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