i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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