I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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