Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
