I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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