Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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