dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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