my sisters under your porch take her home
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
