I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
