At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
