You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
