remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize