I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
