I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize