where am i from again
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I die, sorry about rent.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
