is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize