I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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