i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
