It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
