idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
