He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
