I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
