speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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