just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have fence marks all over my body
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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