he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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