my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
