I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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