stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
