No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
