I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
