Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
