I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
