Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
