Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
