So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
