we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
