Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
