I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
