All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
