Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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