talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
