You're my little dorito
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
