you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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