drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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