I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
