if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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