I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
