return my video game
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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