you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
