your parents love me but you hate me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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