I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
