I got chris browned last night
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
