I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
