I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
