I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
