im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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