I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
