ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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