OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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