we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
