I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
