We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
