it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
