He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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