living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize