Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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