Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
