if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This couple is walking their pig around campus
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
