Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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