she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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