After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
