girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
